I’m getting so tired of being told that homosexuality and gay marriage is moral. I’m getting so tired of hearing that to be against homosexuality and gay marriage is immoral. For years, Evangelical Christians have been told to stop imposing our morality on society yet this is exactly what is happening as the Gay Agenda is being shoved down the throats of anyone who doesn’t subscribe to their version of morality!

But who decides what is moral or immoral anyway? Does society? Or is there a higher standard that we must appeal to? For the last 3500 years there has been a clear, higher standard—an authoritative foundation for the morals of various societies: The written Word of God.

For 1500 or so years before the birth of Jesus Christ, the nation of Israel accepted the Torah and the rest of Tanakh as the undisputed authority on their morals and on their very lives. For the better part of the last 2000 years, Western Civilization, having accepted the Judeo-Christian God as their God and His written Word as inspired truth, has based the laws and morals of society upon the Old and New Testaments. Civilization progressed step-by-step with societal moors firmly based upon the unchanging, infallible Word of God.

Obviously, something has changed. As one of only 2 countries in the history who’s very existence was dedicated and consecrated to the Judeo-Christian God (the other being the nation of Israel), the United States of America has gradually turned its back on Christianity and the Judeo-Christian God of the Old and New Testaments. We are no longer a Christian nation. No, we are anything but a Christian nation.

The fall away from the God of the Bible began gradually in the 19th Century when Post-Modern thought took the place of Rationalism in popular thought. Post-modernism teaches that all truth is relative. There is no such thing as absolute truth. Therefore, we can’t really know anything and it is ludicrous for anyone to say that something is “true”. The basis for faith, morality and all other foundations of civilization were taken out from under society as post-modernism spread throughout the Western Civilization.

As post-modernism spread, naturally church attendance declined. Pop culture took off. The bar, the dance, the drive-in movie & theatre became the place to be. Musical lyrics, television, radio and the Internet became our teachers. Fun, fun, fun became the object of life. “If it feels good do it” became the cry of children of the ‘60’s. Anything goes. Don’t listen to those religious nuts. Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die.

And who can blame there for such a philosophy? If there is no truth, no God, no heaven—then why the heck shouldn’t we just go crazy and grab all the satisfaction we can in this lifetime? After all, it’s all we have right? After this we rot in the grave and cease to exist.

With no absolute authority, Western Civilization (led by the United States of America) has declined into mob rule when it comes to morality. The majority of society (hoodwinked by the most successful marketing campaign in the history of advertising) has become the authority for morality. Just 40 or so years ago, homosexuality and same-sex marriage were absolutely viewed as immoral and wrong by nearly every person in this country. A marketing campaign was launched by the Gay Pride people to convince every person in America that homosexuality wasn’t immoral, it was simply another lifestyle. Gradually, their philosophy has been accepted and has now become the norm in our society. It has replaced the accepted morality of the last 2000 years.
If you are an American citizen today and are opposed to homosexuality and same-sex marriage you are viewed as intolerant, ignorant, prejudiced, bigoted and yes, immoral.

Isn’t amazing how our society’s morals have been turned absolutely upside down? And all this happened in only the last 40 years. If you were born after 1976, you have never known anything but the anti-Judeo-Christian philosophy of the homosexual movement.

Now before I am accused of gay-bashing, please allow me a minute to say that I believe that God loves homosexuals. He loves adulterers, fornicators, thieves, murderers and prostitutes too. He loves all mankind. On the other hand, God hates homosexuality. He also hates adultery, fornication, stealing, murder and prostitution. God loves the sinner but He hates the sin. All He asks is that the individual love Him, surrender to Him and repent of their sin.

This point is so misunderstood in our modern society. Much of the blame lies with so-called churches like the Westboro Baptist folks but a share of the blame lies with all of us who consider ourselves followers of Jesus Christ. We have pointed our fingers In judgment at homosexuals and failed to see the “plank in our own eyes”. Many of us, myself included, were involved or may still be involved in gross sins such as those listed in the above paragraph. I was addicted to pornography. I committed adultery and fornication on a daily basis. Surely I am no better than any homosexual or other sinner for that matter.

So why do Christians act so superior to homosexuals and make them feel so unwanted in our churches? I hate to ask it but “What would Jesus do?” Would he protest on street corners or at Gay Pride parades? Would he bar homosexuals from church? Would he look down on homosexuals? Would he distance himself from homosexuals? No. Jesus would have walked and talked with homosexuals. He would have dined with homosexuals. He would have accepted homosexuals as His friends. But one thing we know from Jesus’ encounters with sinful people (the woman at the well, woman caught in adultery, etc.), He would have welcomed them to follow Him and leave their life of sin. Period.

Jesus didn’t play games with people. He met them where they were but he didn’t leave them where they were. He made it clear that to be His follower you must repent of your sin.

What does it mean to repent of sin? It means to turn your back on the particular sin and to practice it no longer.

So don’t tell me that I’m immoral because I agree with the written, authoritative Word of God on the subject of sin—all sin—including homosexuality. These rules and regulations have been around for 3500 years and that’s a lot longer than you and I will be around. Don’t go forcing your “new morality” down my throat. I can decide for myself what I believe is true and what I believe is false. You can base your morality on the whims of popular society. I prefer to base my morality on the eternal Word of God.

I happen to have friends and acquaintances who are homosexuals. I have worked with many homosexual men and women. In each and every case, I have treated those individuals with decency and respect—just the way that I would hope to be treated. I have helped homosexual friends with food. I have hired homosexuals. In each case, I have never tried to shove my beliefs or morality down their throats. What I have tried to do is to be as open and transparent about my past sinfulness and model the love, grace and forgiveness of my Lord Jesus Christ to each and every person, regardless of their sexuality.

If more Christians would model the love, grace and forgiveness of Jesus Christ to this world (instead of judging and condemning it) I think that the world might actually listen to what we have to say. As it is, I don’t think that they can hear us at all. Our hypocrisy gets in the way.

At my IOP group I am frequently asked if I am “street or book”—translation: Are you an addict or did you just study about addiction? When I tell the alcoholics and drug addicts that I am a recovering pornography addict, I often get this reply, “That’s not a real addiction.” Or, “That’s not the same as alcohol or drug addiction.” A discussion ensues which, of course, usually goes no where. It’s amazing how, even in a recovery group, we addicts can justify and rationalize our addictions—in this case, elevating one addiction over another in an attempt to make ourselves look better or more important than we really are. But that’s the nature of this multi-faceted disease.

So, is pornography addiction a real addiction or is it just a nasty habit? One of the best papers I’ve read on this subject is by Dr. Donald L. Hilton, Jr. It is entitled, “Slave Master: How Pornography Drugs & Changes Your Brain”. In his paper, Dr. Hilton tackles this very question. Hilton points out two fallacies that have been circulating around the addiction recovery world:

Fallacy No. 1: Pornography is not a drug
Fallacy No. 2: Pornography is therefore not a real addiction

These false assumptions are based upon the erroneous notion that because alcohol and drugs are introduced externally to the brain they are the only true addictions. Hilton points out that all addiction is really drug addiction. Our body produces its own drugs. These drugs are endorphins of various names and classes; the most important (for this subject matter) is dopamine. Simply put, dopamine is the endorphin that makes us feel good. When you experience pleasure of any kind, you are experiencing the effect of dopamine on the brain’s neurotransmitters.

To further illustrate this Hilton cites adrenaline, also called epinephrine. [Epinephrine]:

“…is a drug we physicians use in surgery and in emergencies to start a patient’s heart again when it beats to slow or even stops. So here is the question: Is epinephrine not a drug if the brain makes it (causing the heart to pound and race), yet is a drug if the same epinephrine is given by a physician?”

The answer, of course, is that both dopamine and adrenaline are drugs in every sense of the word. Whether they are naturally produced by the brain or administered externally is inconsequential. They are drugs in both contexts.

Without going into a discussion on pharmacology and physiology, understand that addiction is addiction is addiction. What the addict is addicted to is the feeling he gets (or absence of feeling) from the dopamine and other endorphins as they manipulate the neurotransmitters in the brain. We can stimulate the brain with our own, natural chemicals or we can stimulate the brain with the addition of external chemicals such as alcohol, cocaine or heroine.

Hilton explains in his paper how too much stimulation can leave the brain “dopamine starved”. With overuse, the dopamine cells themselves actually atrophy. This leaves the brain craving more dopamine. The result is the user having to use more and more pornography, masturbation or whatever stimuli they choose just to feel normal. Still more and more use is needed to get the “high” that the dopamine-starved brain craves. The eventual result is addiction.

MRI, PET and CT Scans have shown amazing similarities between the brains of addicted persons and frontal lobe trauma victims. The frontal lobe is the judgment seat of the brain. This is the part of the brain that helps us decide between good and bad, right and wrong, safe or dangerous. These scans have shown significant shrinkage (no Seinfeld reference intended) in the frontal lobes of addicts just like the damaged brains of accident victims. You can actually see physical changes in the brain that have been caused by addictive behavior!

So, is pornography addiction a true addiction like alcohol or drug addiction? I’ll let Dr. Hilton speak,

“…non-biased science is telling us that addiction is present when there is a continued destructive behavior in spite of adverse consequences. As stated in the journal “Science”, “as far as the brain is concerned, a reward’s a reward, regardless of whether it comes from a chemical or an experience.”

“Pornography is a drug that produces an addictive neurochemical trap, “past reason hunted, and no sooner had, past reason hated”, as Shakespeare put it in Sonnet 129. And yes, as we have seen, ice cream and sexuality can be akin to crack cocaine.”

I would highly recommend that you read Dr. Hilton’s paper and bookmark his website. You can find “Slave Master” here.

No matter how many times I watch the film, I can’t take it in without shedding some tears.  The pain and torture that Jesus suffered on that day are depicted explicitly in the film (although I imagine that it was much, much worse in reality).  Still, the film’s graphic portrayal of the trial and crucifixion of our Lord Jesus Christ is more than my emotions can handle.

 I can’t help but focus on Isaiah 53:4-6 when I think about the Cross:

              Surely he took up our infirmities
               and carried our sorrows,
               yet we considered him stricken by God,
               smitten by him, and afflicted.
                   But he was pierced for our transgressions,
               he was crushed for our iniquities;
               the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
               and by his wounds we are healed.
               We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
               each of us has turned to his own way;
               and the LORD has laid on him
               the iniquity of us all.

 When I think about this passage I usually substitute my name where it says “our” or “us”.  Surely he took up Brent’s infirmities.  He was pierced for Brent’s transgressions.  He was crushed for Brent’s iniquities.

 Wonderfully, the passage reminds me that “by his wounds we are healed”.  Not physical healing but the passage speaks of spiritual healing.  I needed healing.  I still need healing.  I turned to my own way.  I sometimes still turn to my own way of sin.  God the Father loved me so much that, even though I turned my back on Him, His love for me never waivered.

 The Cross is the centerpiece of human history.  Together with the resurrection, they make up the two most important aspects of Christianity.  Without the Cross there is no salvation.  If Christ did not die and rise again, we are still lost in our sins.

 The Apostle Paul reminds us that the Cross means different things to different people:

¹⁸For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. ¹⁹For it is written:

       “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise;
          the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.”

²⁰Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? ²¹For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. ²²Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, ²³but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, ²⁴but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. ²⁵For the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength. – 1 Cor 1:18-25 NIV

 The Cross is the power and the wisdom of God—foolishness to the world but the vehicle of salvation to those who God has called.  I must preach the Cross.  It’s so easy to get caught up in writing and preaching a sermon and not even mention the Cross of Christ.  When I do this, I’m appealing to man’s wisdom and not trusting in the power and wisdom of God.  “Another message on the Cross? Haven’t we heard enough messages on the Cross?”

 No, we haven’t and we never will.  God uses the message of the Cross to draw the lost sinner to Himself for salvation.  He uses the message of the Cross to remind the wayward believer just how much he is loved.  No, we definitely haven’t heard enough messages on the Cross.

The weapons that are being used today are much more harmful than bullets or bombs. The weapons that are being used are much harder to detect than any Stealth bomber. They are the invisible signals of radio, television and the Internet that circle the globe. By them and through them, the enemy delivers his lies, temptations and propaganda. By them and through them, the enemy seeks to make you a prisoner of war. He seeks to destroy you, your family and any witness you could have for Christ—all without firing a shot.

His techniques are very subtle and sophisticated. They haven’t changed all that much since the Garden of Eden—only the medium of delivery has changed. For centuries, Satan had to tempt one person at a time. He had to raise up someone very evil; very wicked to do his dirty work. I’m thinking of a wicked king, an apostle who turned on Jesus, a cruel czar, a dastardly dictator, an Adolf Hitler. These individuals rose to power with help from the Father of Lies and used their influence, power and writings to affect entire empires and countries for evil.

Today, with our advanced technologies, Satan’s lies and propaganda reach millions and millions of people every day via the Internet, television, movies and radio. He doesn’t have to work nearly as hard today as in years past. Today, an entire culture has bought into the lie that sinfulness is better than godliness. Today, the world has swallowed the lie that there is no God. Today, the world believes that the universe somehow created itself. Today, the world believes that all life developed by accident….that man evolved from apes. Today, the world believes that there is no absolute truth; that the Bible is a book of fairy tales; that Jesus was just a good man if he existed at all.

This post-modern worldview has produced a culture where “anything goes”. Since there is no absolute truth, whatever you believe is true for you but not necessarily for me. Today, many people are into “spiritual” things but not the things of the LORD, preferring instead to create their own “custom religion” with a little mysticism, a little Eastern philosophy, a little yoga, and a sprinkle of Christianity to balance it out. It’s like a menu in a Chinese restaurant; one from Column “A”, one from Column “B”. And who’s to say anything about it? Who are you to judge, right?

Creating your own “custom religion” is the perfect way to avoid any accountability to a Supreme Being. When you deny the existence of such a person, its all-hands-on-deck, every man for himself. All bets are off. Anything goes. And that’s exactly what we have today in America.

This philosophy has been popular since the middle of the 20th century. It became particularly prevalent in the 1960’s and ‘70’s. “If it feels good, do it” was a popular saying back in the ‘60’s. And we’re seeing the results of this kind of thinking every single day. The number of abortions performed in this country continues to climb each year. The number of murders continues to climb. The value of a human life seems to be less than that of a cat or dog.

Pre-marital sex, adultery, fornication, homosexuality and divorce continue to skyrocket. All of these are a direct result of evolutionary theory and post-modern philosophy. Let me clarify: If man is just an ape and not created in the image of God, what’s the big deal about abortion, murder, euthanasia, adultery, homosexuality and fornication? Again, who are you to judge and on what basis?

Folks, this is the way of the world we live in. A world that denies the existence of God; a world that denies the authority of the Bible; a world that hates the name of Jesus Christ; a world that worships Satan, sex, money and any other sensual pleasure. Unfortunately, many Christians have been brainwashed by the propaganda that this world has to offer. For many years, I was one of them.

For years, even while I was studying for the ministry, I allowed myself to be exposed to the all the filth that this world has to offer. I filled my eyes and my mind with pornographic images. I bought into the lie that sinful pleasure brings happiness. Instead, all I received was brokenness, misery and heartache. I became addicted to pornography. As a result of my addiction, I lost my wife, hurt my family, lost my job and my home. Worst of all, I had no fellowship with God or with other believers.

At first, looking at pornography seemed harmless. I wasn’t hurting anybody, right? Wrong. My “habit” grew and grew until it became an addiction that destroyed my life.

Sexual sin of any kind destroys lives, marriages, families and ministries. We’re all familiar with famous ministers who have fallen into sin, been exposed and were disqualified for the ministry. But what about the people who make up the church? What about the average family with 2.5 children, 1 dog and 2 cats? Could there be a hidden problem at home? Could it be that there is a husband has been using porn and is hurting his wife and family?

The following is from the back cover of my book, “No More Hiding, No More Shame”:

“No one wants to talk about it. No one wants to admit to it. But it’s time for No More Hiding, No More Shame. It’s time for transparency. Here are the facts: Forty million adults in the U.S. regularly visit porn sites on the Internet. Forty-seven percent of families say pornography is a problem in their home. But this problem isn’t limited to the secular world. Pornography addiction has reached epidemic proportions in the church. A recent survey showed that 51 percent of pastors confessed to looking at porn on their church office computers; 37 percent say it is a current struggle. Twenty percent of Christian women have admitted they are addicted to pornography.”

I’m trying to raise awareness to the epidemic proportions to which this sin has risen in the church. No one wants to talk about it so this secret sin continues to grow until it destroys another marriage, another family, another church. It’s time for transparency. It’s time to get this out in the open folks.

We are in a battle alright so we better get ready for war. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 says,

3For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. 4The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Brothers and sisters, we need to take captive our every thought. People, we have allowed ourselves and our children to be exposed to the propaganda of this world far too much. The primetime television programs of today would have been labeled as pornography just a few decades ago. Just about every primetime TV show is promoting pre-marital sex, fornication, adultery and homosexuality. Our minds and morals have become desensitized to the immorality over the years. Those of us who have been blessed to live beyond the age of 30 know exactly what I’m talking about. For those of you under the age of 30, you don’t have a frame of reference. All of this is perfectly normal to you. You can’t see how the moral fabric of this country has deteriorated over the last 50 to 60 years.

Author and Christian political activist Andrew Comiskey wrote,
“I believe that we are living in a time of unprecedented sexual and relational idolatry. The moral ozone layer has burned off. We are burned daily by the breakdown of [God-honoring relational] commitment and the rise of self-worship.”

I believe that if we want to see revival in our lifetime; if we want to see our children embrace our faith and follow Jesus Christ, we have to make some changes in our Christian lives. We can’t allow our eyes and our children’s eyes to watch hours and hours of television that promotes immorality and think that we are immune from it. We can’t allow ourselves and our children to watch whatever trash Hollywood is currently promoting without serious side effects. And I haven’t even mentioned the Internet yet! We can’t allow ourselves and our children to look at pornographic images on the Internet without devastating consequences.

Parents, you’ve got take action. If you’ve got a television or computer at home that doesn’t have parental controls activated you are putting your children in harm’s way. Every cable or satellite system has parental controls available. Please use them. Don’t be naive and think that your “little angels” won’t look at things they shouldn’t look at. They will. They probably already have.

An even better idea when it comes to cable TV—get rid of it altogether or just get basic cable. There’s nothing worth watching on the so-called “Premium” channels anyway and you’ll save a ton of money every month. If you decide to keep cable, why not password protect all R, TV-MA an X rated content with a password that even you don’t know? That way no one in your family will be tempted to watch that garbage. Have a friend set the password for you. If you’re serious about living a holy life for God…why not?

There are free programs such as K-9 Web Protection from Blue Coat that will make it impossible for your children to look at adult content on the Internet. These programs are easy to install and are very effective. I use K-9 on my own computers. I asked my wife to install it on all of our computers so that they are “safe” for me to use. I asked my wife to password protect the TV to make it “safe” as well. This has been a huge help to me in recovering from my addiction.

Still, in case you haven’t noticed, even the TV commercials can be pornographic these days. I have to constantly guard my eyes when I’m watching TV in case a Victoria’s Secret or some other pornographic commercial comes on. I’m a huge Eagles fan but even watching the games can be a problem since the Eagles decided to dress their cheerleaders like prostitutes.

Brothers and sisters, sexual integrity is hard work. It doesn’t happen by accident. Getting clean and staying clean takes effort and planning. In case you haven’t noticed, temptation is everywhere.

Listen to this passage from Job:

1 “I made a covenant with my eyes
not to look lustfully at a girl. – Job 31:1

Job made a covenant with his eyes not to look lustfully at a girl. Make a covenant with your eyes. You know your eyes are the window to your mind. Your mind is the entry way to your heart and soul. Protect your eyes. Don’t let Satan get access to your mind.

Dr. Mary Ann Layton of the University of Pennsylvania is an expert in addiction and addiction recovery. In a recent publication, Dr. Layton asserts that, in her opinion, pornography addiction is the single-most difficult addiction to recover from. Why? Because the alcoholic can eventually get all of the alcohol out of his system; the heroine addict can eventually get all of the heroine out of his system. On the other hand, the pornography addict can never get the pornographic images that he allowed his eyes to see out of his brain. The filthy images are saved in the memory banks of the mind and they can surface at any time. That is why we must guard our eyes and the eyes of our children. We can’t allow that filth to get into our minds because we can never get it out.

Like me, you might think that you’re fooling everybody; that you’re getting away with something. I’ve got news for you. You’re not fooling anybody but yourself. If you are a Christian, God will let you stray from Him for awhile. But because He loves you, He will do whatever is necessary to break you and turn you back to Him.
I had everybody fooled for years. I lived a double-life. I sat in the pews on Sunday morning with a shiny, happy face. No one could’ve suspected what I was secretly doing at home. But the scripture says, “Be sure your sins will find you out.” Yes they did—they found me out with a vengeance.

Listen to what the Apostle John wrote in 1 John 2:16,

16For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world. 17The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.  We need to be “in the world but not off the world”.

Listen to what the Apostle Paul wrote to the Colossians:

5Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. 7You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. – Colossians 3:5

That list of vices reads like a description of just about every Hollywood movie and television show from the last 30 years! Paul says, “You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived.” Now it’s time to get rid of this stuff. Why? Because it will destroy you.

Whether you have been a Christian for decades or you are a new believer in Jesus Christ, you must renew your mind. Your mind has been programmed over the course of your lifetime to accept the things of this world as “OK”. Well, they’re not OK. Listen to what Paul wrote to the church at Rome in Romans 12:1 & 2:

1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. 2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. – Romans 12:1, 2

We need to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. Just like the caterpillar is transformed into a beautiful butterfly, we need to be transformed. We cannot conform to the pattern of this world any longer. Why? Because we need to be transformed into the image of Christ. We are being prepared for “Kingdom living”. In God’s Kingdom there won’t be any sexual sin. There won’t be any lying, cheating or stealing.

We also need to be transformed is so that we can be used by God here on earth. God can’t use you if you’re dirty. We’ve got to get cleaned up to be useful to Him.

Finally, if you want to experience true peace, love and harmony with God and others while here on earth—it doesn’t come from living a double-life. Let go of the sins that you’ve been holding onto. Once you do, you’ll experience what it means to be truly free for the first time. It’s a great feeling! God wants to bless you and use you. He wants to be close to you. He wants you to be free to live the life that you thought was impossible. All you have to do is surrender to Him. Will you do that today? Will you let go of the sins you’ve been holding onto? The sins that have you enslaved and you don’t even realize it? Will you surrender to God right now?

“FOR THE DIRECTOR OF MUSIC. A PSALM OF DAVID. WHEN THE PROPHET NATHAN CAME TO HIM AFTER DAVID HAD COMMITTED ADULTERY WITH BATHSHEBA.” – Introduction to Psalm 51 (NIV)

If you’ve ever read Psalm 51 (see introduction to Psalm 51 above) or 2 Samuel 11 & 12, you know that David was transparent about his sin. David committed adultery with Bathsheba and then had her husband murdered. How do we know that David was transparent? Well, he had the record of his sin and his repentance published. The Lord made sure that David’s sin and repentance was made public and part of the Holy Scriptures. Why? Because transparency is a good and godly activity. Transparency and confession are good for the soul. David committed these gross sins against God and others yet the Lord called him “a man after God’s own heart”.

From the introduction to Psalm 51 alone, we are made aware of David’s sin. There is no attempt to hide this sin even though it was committed by the King of Israel. What a difference in American politics where President-after-President, politician-after-politician, has been exposed for one adulterous affair after another. Rather than transparency, confession and repentance, our politicians chose to hide their sin.

Transparency is the key. If we hide our sin, we can hold onto it. You must confess your sin in order to ever be truly free from it. David wrote, “When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away through my groaning all day long” (Ps. 32:3). “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” (James 5:16 NIV); “So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and in his good time he will honor you.” (1 Peter 5:6 NLT)

Why is it so difficult for us to be transparent about our sin? Why do we hide and hold onto our sin? And is there any sin more devastating than sexual sin? On sexual sin, John MacArthur writes,

“God looks on sexual immorality with extreme seriousness. Because of this sin in Israel, “twenty-three thousand fell in one day” (1 Cor. 10:8). David was a man after God’s own heart and was greatly used of the Lord in leading Israel and even in writing Scripture. But David was not exempted from the consequences of his sin. He committed adultery with Bathsheba and she became pregnant. He then arranged for her husband to be killed in battle and took her as his own wife. “But the thing that David had done was evil in the sight of the Lord” (2 Sam. 11:27). Through His prophet Nathan, God told David that because of his sin, “the sword shall never depart from your house,… I will raise up evil against you from your own household,” and “the child also that is born to you shall surely die” (12:10-11, 14). David paid for those sins almost every day of his life. Several of his sons were rebellious, jealous, and vengeful, and his family life was for the most part a tragic shambles.”

David cried out to God, “Be gracious to me, O God, according to Thy loving kindness; according to the greatness of Thy compassion blot out my transgressions” (Ps. 51:1). Cry out to God. He will be gracious to you. He will be kind to you. He will blot out your transgressions. He loves you.

This question could easily be flipped around and asked by our wives.  It might be re-phrased like this: “He’s got me. So why does he still need porn?”  I’ve been asked both of these questions by men and women who have been negatively affected by pornography addiction.  

Husbands struggle to understand why they still find themselves looking at porn even though they have a beautiful wife who is willing to meet their every need.  Conversely, wives are baffled (as my first wife was) when finding a porno magazine in his briefcase after only weeks or months of being married. 

Guys, does this scenario sound familiar?  Are you struggling with the porn habit that you thought would instantly disappear the moment you said “I do?”  You love your wife but you still find yourself frequenting those Internet porn sites like you did when you were single?  

Wives, are you hurting because your “Prince Charming” hasn’t turned out to be the man you thought he was?  Is he spending more time on the Internet than he is spending with you?  Has he lied to you about what he’s doing on the computer?  Have you found pornographic images on his computer?  

These scenarios are all too familiar to me.  I guess I was very naïve but I really thought that my craving for porn would dissipate when I got married.  My newlywed wife didn’t know anything about my porn problem.  I hid it from her and from everybody for my entire life.  I’ll never forget the day I came home from school and she found the Penthouse magazine I hid in my briefcase.  We had married only 2 weeks at the time.  To say that she was upset would be a gross understatement.  She was hurt.  She was confused.  She felt like I had cheated on her.  She cried and cried.

 For my part, I had no answer.  I had no excuse.  All I could say was “I’m sorry” and “I’ll never do it again”.  Right! I’ll never do it again.  I could no more stop looking at and collecting porn than I could fly.  I was addicted but I wouldn’t admit it.  I was addicted but, even had I realized it, I didn’t want to give it up.  I needed it.  I didn’t understand why I needed it, but I needed all the same.

 Unfortunately, by the time I was ready to quit porn, it was too late.  My “newlywed” wife had put up with the hurt and pain for 22 years.  As she left, she made it clear that she just couldn’t let me hurt her anymore.  The trust was gone.  She couldn’t even give me one more chance. 

 If you are married and you’re “cheating” on your wife with porn, you must realize that you are defrauding her of your promise to meet her needs.  You must realize that you are committing fornication, adultery and idolatry.  You must realize that you are heading for a divorce and a life filled with regret.

It’s never too late to get help.  Cry out to God.  Confess your sin.  Ask God for the power to stop sinning against Him and your wife.  Confess your sin to your wife and ask her to help you.  Schedule an appointment with your pastor.  Be humble and transparent about your past sin.  He can help you with this problem and point you in the right direction. 

Get yourself to a Christian 12-Step Recovery program like Celebrate Recovery or Addictions Victorious.  Here you will find people who struggle with the same issues that you struggle with.  You will find support, encouragement and understanding.  You will find that you can conquer porn addiction one day at a time.

There is also support for the injured wife at these groups.  You will find other women who have been hurt by their husband’s porn addiction issues.  You will find out that there is hope for recovery and for your marriage.

Don’t try to go it alone.  Porn addiction is too big for either of you to overcome it on your own.  You need God and others to break free from addiction and to save your marriage.  My prayer is that you both will be honest with each other about any secret sins you have been hiding.  Get these things out in the open.  Get help.  It will be hard work but it will be so worth it to see what God will do in your marriage.  Your love will grow.  Intimacy will return.  You’ll feel like newlyweds again.

 We are bombarded with sexual imagery from the minute we turn on the television until we turn it off at night.  We have been exposed to so much suggestive sexuality that we have become desensitized to it.  Even as Christians, we watch TV-MA programs or R rated movies that include nudity, sexual situations, filthy language and many of us don’t even think twice about it.  And I haven’t even mentioned the Internet! 

How can we have even a fighting chance against this overwhelming foe?  Well, the Bible has recorded the story of Joseph who, when faced with temptation day after day, successfully resisted the temptation by using a technique that we all need to follow. 

You may remember that Joseph had been sold into slavery by his deceitful and jealous brothers.  He ended up in Egypt where he eventually became an important figure in the service of Potiphar.  Now Potiphar was the captain of Pharoah’s guards—a very important man in Egypt.  Potiphar put Joseph in charge of his home and all of his affairs.  Apparently, Potiphar’s wife took a liking to Joseph and wasn’t shy about letting him know.  We read:

Now Joseph was well-built and handsome, ⁷and after a while his master’s wife took notice of Joseph and said, “Come to bed with me!”

⁸But he refused. “With me in charge,” he told her, “my master does not concern himself with anything in the house; everything he owns he has entrusted to my care. ⁹No one is greater in this house than I am. My master has withheld nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?” ¹⁰And though she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her or even be with her.

¹¹One day he went into the house to attend to his duties, and none of the household servants was inside. ¹²She caught him by his cloak and said, “Come to bed with me!” But he left his cloak in her hand and ran out of the house. – Genesis 39:6b-12 NIV

From the text it seems that Potiphar’s wife propositioned Joseph daily.  Notice that Joseph “refused to go to bed with her or even to be with her.”   Joseph didn’t just say “no” to her advances, he removed himself from her presence.  He wouldn’t even let her be in the same room with him.  We’re told that one day the woman “caught him by his cloak and said, “Come to bed with me!” But he left his cloak in her hand and ran out of the house.”  Without the text in front of me; thinking about this passage, this almost seems like an isolated incident.  However, it’s clear from the context that this was no isolated incident.  Joseph faced this sort of aggressive temptation and seduction all day, every day.  He didn’t just run from this woman on this occasion—he ran from her every day.

So many times we put ourselves in temptation’s way and wonder why we fail.  We don’t protect ourselves by making our computers and cable television’s “safe”.  We watch television programs and movies that we should not be watching.  Like Joseph, we need to get serious about holiness.  If we want to be holy, we are going to have to work at it.  It’s not going to happen by accident.  Holiness is hard work.  Holiness is planned and purposeful.  

Plan to be holy.  Purposely avoid situations where temptation will be too much to handle.  Have an “exit strategy” ready like Joseph.  Don’t mess around with sexual temptation and think that you can watch it without sinning.  You can’t.  I can’t either.  Don’t just sit there…run!

Whatever it is, God knew all about it before we had even committed the very first sin in the Garden of Eden. In the very beginning of the Bible; way back in the second chapter of Genesis, “The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” – Genesis 2:18 NIV

When David committed adultery with Bathsheba, he was alone. He was supposed to be at war with his troops but he stayed behind in Jerusalem. (See 2 Samuel 11:1) Obviously, he would’ve never committed adultery with Bathsheba had he been where he was supposed to be. Of course, David further complicated matters by getting Bathsheba pregnant and murdering her husband—still more sin that wouldn’t have happened if David had gone to war where he belonged.

King Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived knew about the power of two (or three for that matter) when he wrote in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12:

9 Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:
10 If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Who among us has not fallen and needed a hand getting up? And which one of us doesn’t feel safer in a bad part of town when you’re with one of your friends than by yourself? It is not good for man to be alone.

I was listening to Rick Warren preach this week. In his message he mentioned that the first thing that our Lord Jesus Christ did when he began his earthly ministry was to gather a group of men around him. The night before he was crucified, Jesus took Peter, James and John with him to watch and pray. Yes, they fell asleep on him, but you get the point. In his darkest hour; when the temptation to avoid the cross would have been the strongest; Jesus didn’t go it alone. He brought three of his disciples with him.
If Jesus (who could’ve called down legions of angels for some company) surrounded himself with his friends, shouldn’t we follow his example, humble ourselves, admit our weakness and guard against temptation?

As men, we’re just too proud for our own good. We won’t stop for directions if it kills us. We won’t ask an important question for fear of looking stupid. Oh, and we won’t admit we’re wrong to anybody (not even our wives).

When it comes to sexual purity, we can’t trust ourselves boys. Let’s be honest with ourselves and with each other—we cannot stay pure without accountability. If you don’t have an accountability partner or group, you need to get one. If one doesn’t exist in your church, start one.

Lastly, and this was God’s plan from the beginning, your wife should be your main accountability partner. So many men (me included) are terrified to tell their wives about the struggle they face every day with sexual temptation. Instead, we keep it from her, suffer in silence and give in far too much to sexual sin. Be honest with your wife. Let her know that you need her help. You don’t want to sin. You don’t want to look with lust at another woman. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised at her response.

With porn addiction already rampant in our society; divorce at an all-time high and families in crisis—I have every reason to be concerned.  “Mary Anne Layden, co-director of the Sexual Trauma and Psychopathology Program at the University of Pennsylvania’s Center for Cognitive Therapy, called porn the “most concerning thing to psychological health that I know of existing today.”

“The internet is a perfect drug delivery system because you are anonymous, aroused and have role models for these behaviors,” Layden said. “To have drug pumped into your house 24/7, free, and children know how to use it better than grown-ups know how to use it — it’s a perfect delivery system if we want to have a whole generation of young addicts who will never have the drug out of their mind.”

“Pornography addicts have a more difficult time recovering from their addiction than cocaine addicts, since coke users can get the drug out of their system, but pornographic images stay in the brain forever, Layden said.”[1]

I only learned about Dr. Layden’s comments yesterday as I was taping a television interview with NBC.  The interviewer asked me if I agreed with Layden’s statement that “pornography addicts have a more difficult time recovering from their addiction than cocaine addicts”.  As a recovering porn addict, I have to agree with Dr. Layden’s assessment.  I have never tried crack cocaine, but I counsel many drug addicts and alcoholics.  Many of these individuals are also addicted to porn.  Guess which addiction they have the toughest time overcoming.  You guessed it: internet pornography.

Just as Dr. Layden said, the pornographic images that I filled my brain with remain.  It’s a struggle some days to get them out of my head.  On a day when I’m feeling down or depressed; tired or rundown—in other words when I’m at a weak point—those images sometimes flash across my mind.  Those images were the pain reliever that I used for so many years.  I have to work at dealing with pain and painful situations in a different way.  Mostly I need to feel the pain instead of running away from it.

I believe strongly in “replacement”.  No matter what the addiction—but especially for the porn addict—you must replace the hurtful, addictive behavior with something positive.  The addict spends a lot of time pursuing his addiction.  When the object of the addiction is taken away, say “cold turkey”—this is a terrifying prospect for any addict.  The addict cannot imagine life without his drug, drink or porn.  Like Gollum in “The Lord of the Rings”, the addict’s world revolves around his “precious”.

For me, the replacement for internet pornography was immersing myself in the Bible, serving God by serving others and in reading other good Christian books.  I needed to find something to occupy the time that I put into porn but that would be a positive influence on my mind and heart.  (I have to confess that another replacement has been cooking, food and watching that darned addictive Food Network!) In another positive development, I also started writing as a replacement for my porn habit.  Writing down my thoughts, struggles, defeats and victories has been cleansing for me.  Hopefully, I’ll be able to help some others along the way.

It was during the time of this wicked culture that our Lord Jesus Christ was born and that the New Testament was written.  Let’s take a look at some of the examples of sexual sin that are recorded in the New Testament.  Time and space does not allow for a comprehensive examination but we’ll examine some of the better known portions from the Gospels, Epistles and The Book of Revelation.

The Gospels

Herod Antipas & Herodias – Matthew 14:3 NIV

³Now Herod had arrested John and bound him and put him in prison because of Herodias, his brother Philip’s wife, ⁴for John had been saying to him: “It is not lawful for you to have her.” ⁵Herod wanted to kill John, but he was afraid of the people, because they considered him a prophet.

On the incestuous and adulterous relationship between Herod Antipas and Herodias, John MacArthur writes:

“The tetrarch had taken Herodias as his own wife after seducing her away from his half-brother Philip while on a visit to Rome. In order to marry her, he had to divorce his present wife, the daughter of king Aretas, with whom the marriage of his daughter had sealed a political and military alliance.

Herodias is one of the most wicked and perverse women mentioned in Scripture, perhaps second only to Jezebel. Although she was at first beguiled by Herod, it was not long until he was being manipulated by her. Because both Herod and Herodias were already married, their marriage to each other was doubly not lawful. The Holy Spirit refused to recognize her as Herod’s wife and directed Matthew to refer to her as the wife of his brother Philip, although she had been divorced from Philip for a number of years. The new marriage not only was unlawful but incestuous, because Herodias was the daughter of Aristobulus, another half-brother of Herod, making her Herod’s niece.”[i] 

The Samaritan Woman at the Well – John 4:1-28 NIV

¹⁶He told her, “Go, call your husband and come back.”

¹⁷“I have no husband,” she replied.

Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. ¹⁸The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.”

Jesus was travelling from Judea to Galilee.  The scripture tells us that he had to pass through Samaria where he encountered a Samaritan woman drawing water in the midday sun.  The passage reminds us that Jews didn’t associate with Samaritans and Jewish men certainly didn’t associate with Samaritan women.  Nevertheless Jesus asks the Samaritan women for a drink from the well which begins a dialogue between two individuals who couldn’t be more different.

The net of the conversation finds the woman believing that Jesus is the promised Messiah because He “told me [her] everything she ever did.”  Jesus rightly told the woman that she had had five husbands and that the man she was currently with was not her husband.  In other words, she was living in an adulterous relationship.

The Woman Caught in Adultery – John 8:1-11 NIV

¹But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. ²At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. ³The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group ⁴and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. ⁵In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” ⁶They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

Yes, I know that the earliest manuscripts don’t have John 8:1-11 but this is one of my favorite passages in all of scripture.  I include it here because this story is a beautiful example of God’s grace and forgiveness.  Jesus did not condemn this woman who was caught in the act of adultery.  She had probably been set up and used as bait to trap Jesus.  Whatever the case, the self-righteous Pharisees dragged her to Jesus and condemned her to death.  Jesus, instead, pardons the woman while telling her to “leave her life of sin.”

The Epistles

The Ancient Romans – Romans 1:18-32 NIV

²⁶Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. ²⁷In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.

The Apostle Paul is writing to the church at Rome and it doesn’t take him long before he issues condemnation for the perverse sexual activities that were common in ancient Rome.  This is as clear a condemnation of homosexuality and lesbianism as you will find in the pages of scripture.  Homosexuality is described as “unnatural”, “indecent” and “perverse”.  One of the most telling verses is verse 25: ^”They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.” Whenever I read that verse I’m reminded of the years that I spent using pornography.  In doing so, I was truly worshipping and serving “created things” (women) rather than the Creator.  Praise God that He has finally freed me from slavery to this awful sin.

The Corinthian Church – 1 Corinthians 5:1 NIV

¹It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that does not occur even among pagans: A man has his father’s wife. ²And you are proud! Shouldn’t you rather have been filled with grief and have put out of your fellowship the man who did this?

The city of Corinth was a wicked city.  “Sexual permissiveness”, as MacArthur writes, was “rampant”.[ii]  There was serious sexual sin in the church at Corinth.  Paul begins chapter 5 by calling out an individual member of the church who had taken his father’s wife.  Paul notes that this sin “does not occur even among pagans”.  This is gross sin.  Evidently, the man was proud of the fact that he was having sex with his father’s wife!  To make matters worse, the church did nothing about it.

The Apostle goes on to teach against sexual sin for the balance of the chapter which further demonstrates just how serious the problem was in the church at Corinth.

Revelation

The Church at Pergamum – Revelation 2:12-17 NIV

¹⁴Nevertheless, I have a few things against you: You have people there who hold to the teaching of Balaam, who taught Balak to entice the Israelites to sin by eating food sacrificed to idols and by committing sexual immorality. ¹⁵Likewise you also have those who hold to the teaching of the Nicolaitans. ¹⁶Repent therefore! Otherwise, I will soon come to you and will fight against them with the sword of my mouth.

The Church at Pergamum was the third church addressed by the risen and reigning Lord Jesus Christ in John’s Apocalypse.  After a little praise, Jesus calls them to repent because they “hold to the teaching of Balaam” and “the Nicolaitans”.  What is this teaching?  Jesus details some of Balaam’s wicked practices in verse 14.  He points out that Balak (a follower of Balaam) enticed “the Israelites to sin by eating food sacrificed to idols and by committing sexual immorality.”  This form of idolatry was nothing new.  This is the very same pagan Baal, Molech, Ashteroth & Chemosh worship that I wrote about in my last blog post.  See “Sexual Sin in the Old Testament” for more detail.  We’re not sure who the Nicolaitans were, but they were apparently a contemporary sect that practiced the teachings of Balaam. 

The Sixth Trumpet Judgment – Revelation 9:13-21 NIV

²⁰The rest of mankind that were not killed by these plagues still did not repent of the work of their hands; they did not stop worshiping demons, and idols of gold, silver, bronze, stone and wood—idols that cannot see or hear or walk. ²¹Nor did they repent of their murders, their magic arts, their sexual immorality or their thefts.

Mankind will hold onto his wickedness during the Great Tribulation period even though the Judgment of God is upon him.  In this Sixth Trumpet judgment, a full third of all mankind is killed, yet verse 21 tells us men “did not repent of their murders, their magic arts, their sexual immorality or their thefts.”

No doubt about it—sin (especially sexual sin) can completely take over a man’s mind, heart and soul.  Our hearts can become hard as rock and resist any and every attempt that God makes to bring us to repentance. 

If you are reading this and you are holding on to your sin—maybe you’re hiding it from everyone because you are ashamed—get some help.  Talk to your wife.  Talk to your pastor.  Hidden sin is a killer.  If you continue to hide your sin, it will take over your life and destroy you.  Trust me on this.  Unfortunately, I have much firsthand knowledge with this scenario. 

God loves you.  He wants to restore you to a right relationship with Himself.  Why wait?  Call out to Him now.  Get clean.  You’ll be glad you did.